A viral TikTok video recently reignited conversations about parenting styles and emotional abuse in Nigerian households. The video features a 25-year-old woman attempting to leave her mother’s home, only to encounter resistance. In the background, the mother’s furious voice can be heard, insisting that her daughter is not allowed to leave. The young woman, visibly distressed, calls the police, explaining that her baby is outside in the car, and she feels trapped.
The video struck a nerve with many Nigerians, who flooded the comments with similar stories—some calling it a trigger, others seeing it as a painful flashback to childhood trauma. This raises a pressing question: Is Nigerian parenting inherently toxic and emotionally abusive? While physical discipline has long been debated, the psychological toll of strict, authoritarian parenting remains largely unaddressed. However, with growing awareness, particularly on social media, more people are starting to question the long-term effects of these parenting methods.
Beyond online discourse, this issue ties into broader systemic concerns: How effective is the Nigerian Child Rights Act in protecting children from emotional abuse?
The Hidden Crisis of Emotional Abuse in Nigeria
While many Nigerians see strict parenting as a cultural norm, data suggests that emotional and psychological abuse is alarmingly widespread. Studies indicate that a significant percentage of children experience violent discipline, often justified as a means of instilling respect and obedience.
A UNICEF study revealed that 91% of children aged 2-14 had experienced violent discipline at home within a month before the survey. Similarly, a National Bureau of Statistics and UNICEF joint study found that 84.9% of children aged 1-14 had been subjected to violent discipline by their caregivers within the same period. This includes verbal aggression, humiliation, and psychological intimidation—forms of abuse that leave lasting scars.
Despite these alarming figures, emotional abuse remains largely overlooked compared to physical punishment. Many victims grow up believing that emotional manipulation, excessive control, and verbal degradation are normal parts of parenting. The silence surrounding this issue allows the cycle to persist across generations.
But as awareness grows, these statistics demand urgent attention: How do these numbers translate into real-life consequences for Nigerian children? And what happens when these children carry the weight of emotional abuse into adulthood
David’s Story
David’s story, as reported by HumAngle, sheds light on the deep scars of child abuse. Years after experiencing serious emotional, mental, and physical abuse from his father, David struggles to find his place in the world under the shadow of his trauma. He has dedicated his efforts to creating a safer environment for children to thrive.
It was many years before David heard the term “emotional abuse” and realized he had been a victim of it in his early life. His father’s rage was constant, whether David excelled or failed in school, he could never meet expectations. Even when he performed well, his achievements were dismissed, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy.
David’s father saw academic success as the only path to a meaningful life, imposing harsh punishments whenever David fell short. “It got worse when I got into secondary school,” David recalls. “I remember one time when he threatened to kill me and himself just because my result was not up to his expectations.” His father’s rigid standards made home an environment of fear rather than support.
Beyond academics, David’s father controlled every aspect of his life. He dictated how David played, how much he ate, and even who he could befriend. “He always had an excuse to hit or insult me,” David says. As a result, David grew up walking on eggshells, always anticipating the next outburst.
His mother, though a source of comfort, was also a victim of her husband’s dominance. Bound by a patriarchal marriage and a sense of gratitude for the education her husband facilitated, she lacked the courage to stand up to him. “She tried to be there for me,” David admits, “but she was too afraid to challenge him.”
Seeking Understanding and Healing
By the time David reached university, his exposure to literature and different environments solidified his realization that his childhood experiences were not normal. Books like Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart offered him insight into his father’s psyche—a man consumed by the fear of failure. Living with a more compassionate uncle also showed him a healthier approach to parenting.
Despite breaking free from his father’s control, the scars remained. “I struggle with relationships because he never let me develop healthy relationships with people,” David confesses. His self-esteem issues make it difficult to trust others, and he battles with the constant fear of being judged.
Nevertheless, David channeled his pain into purpose. Now a teacher and published writer, he educates children about abuse, reassuring them that they are not at fault. He hopes that by sharing his story, more people will understand the lasting effects of child abuse and work toward creating a kinder world for children.
David still carries the weight of his past, experiencing anxiety whenever he sees his father’s calls. Yet, he remains hopeful, contemplating professional help to start a new chapter. “I wish we could understand that child abuse has long-term effects. We need to be kinder to children.”
Ifunaya’s Story
Ifunaya Grant, also known as Baddest Lawyer, is a Nigerian lawyer, Nollywood actress, and social media personality. She also shared her experience in an interview with White Pearl Net Studios.
“I grew up in an abusive home, not to be disrespectful, it affected a lot of things. I can’t say I remember my mum being nice and sweet. Every memory I have of her as a child, she was always mean and angry about one thing or the other, and it’s discouraging that you can never be enough for your parent, even when you’re just sitting and doing nothing.”
She also added that the only times she had breaks from the harsh childhood reality were when she received wins due to her academic performance
Psychologist Chioma Onyemaobi Speaks
So, we understand that sometimes cases of abuse in parenting stem from generational cycles. If a parent has experienced abuse themselves and it was never properly addressed, they may unconsciously project their suppressed emotions onto their child. This cycle can continue across generations unless an individual takes the strength to recognize and break it.
When assessing toxicity in parenting, psychologists often take a detailed family history to identify patterns of abuse or emotional suppression. This helps in understanding the root causes and in formulating effective treatment plans. Childhood experiences shape individuals profoundly. Parents or guardians metaphorically hand children a ‘bag’ filled with behaviors, words, and attitudes. If that bag contains negative abuse, harsh words, or toxic behaviors without proper intervention, the child may carry that emotional burden into adulthood and, in turn, pass it on to their own children.
Environmental factors also play a significant role in shaping parenting styles. A child raised in a strict, emotionally harsh environment may grow up with low self-esteem, social difficulties, and mental health struggles. Some may become withdrawn, unable to connect with others due to past experiences. Others may internalize rigid parenting styles, believing they are necessary for discipline, even when they cross the line into emotional or physical harm.
In Nigeria, traditional and cultural norms have historically favored men over women. Many family disputes resolved through traditional authorities often disproportionately favor men. This cultural bias extends to gender roles, where male children are encouraged to pursue education and career advancement, while female children are often expected to take on domestic responsibilities. Such norms have contributed to the normalization of emotional abuse, often under the guise of discipline.
Addressing these deep-seated issues requires therapy and counseling. Insight therapy, for instance, helps individuals recondition their understanding of right and wrong. Many abusers believe their actions are justified because they were raised with the same behaviors. Therapy provides an opportunity to challenge these beliefs, helping individuals recognize that just because something was accepted in previous generations does not mean it is right or healthy today.
Unfortunately, in today’s digital age, discussions of abuse, emotions, and psychological issues are sometimes glamorized for content creation. Many people casually attribute conditions like OCD, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or ADHD to themselves without a proper diagnosis. This trivialization can lead to breaches of confidentiality and make it difficult for real cases to receive the support they need. The focus should be on creating genuine awareness and understanding, ensuring that those affected receive proper care rather than turning these issues into trends.
The Glamorization of African Parenting on Social Media
Social media has played a significant role in shaping narratives around African and Nigerian parenting, often through humor and satire. While these portrayals provide comic relief, they also risk trivializing the deeper emotional and psychological effects of certain parenting styles.
One prominent example is Rodney’s video titled “What You Never Hear from a Nigerian or African Parent.” In this skit, he humorously lists phrases that are seldom heard in African households, such as “I love you” and “I’m sorry.” The video resonates with many because it captures a shared cultural experience, one that audiences find both amusing and relatable. However, as much as it generates laughter, it also serves to tranquilize the real need for open emotional communication in African families. By turning these serious gaps in parenting into entertainment, such content subtly reinforces the idea that these issues are acceptable or simply part of cultural identity, rather than aspects that require attention and change.
Beyond Rodney’s video, countless memes and social media trends continue to perpetuate this normalization. Instead of sparking conversations about emotional intelligence and communication within families, these portrayals often lead to acceptance rather than advocacy for improvement. The line between humor and desensitization becomes blurred, making it easy to laugh off the emotional voids rather than addressing them.
While social media has the power to highlight cultural truths, it also has the responsibility to encourage meaningful dialogue. Humor should not be a mask that conceals the need for better emotional connections within African families, but rather a tool that sparks awareness and change.
Addressing Emotional Abuse in Nigerian Parenting
Addressing the emotional abuse in Nigerian parenting requires that educational institutions integrate emotional abuse awareness into school curricula and strengthen counseling services for student support.
- The government, through the legal framework, should enforce the Child Rights Act (2003) across all states and develop policies for prevention, reporting, and intervention.
Parental Accountability should start with educating parents on positive parenting through workshops, creating community support networks for guidance, while addressing harmful traditions that normalize abuse.
Media should be encouraged to promote positive parenting narratives and social media as a tool for change to create awareness campaigns on emotional abuse. Online support communities for victims and parents should be created online.
