The fact that the African culture belittles or even speaks odds of any female folk that attempts to spin the opposite sex poses a heavy question in my heart- must he be the one to make the move? Many at times the guy doesn’t want to ask the girl out for the fear of sabotaging the long built friendship or the fear of being turned down and become a thing of mockery or a subject of discussion among her peers.
Hence, he prefers to keep it cordial than intimate whereas the girl keeps praying day and night for him to ask her out.
Of course she would have loved to, but the society she finds herself will tag it differently. Different things pop up: ‘she is too cheap, too old, too loose’ and the likes. The question in her heart remains – what if he doesn’t ask me out and does that to someone else’s? Should I forever keep mute? These and many more troubles any lady that finds herself in such a scenario.
Besides, the guy isn’t a mind reader, so you don’t expect him to know what you feel for him. Probably he has been a victim of wrong definition of a girl’s behavior who wanted cordial relationships and he gave it an intimate approach. Of course you don’t expect him to make same mistake just as the saying goes, once beaten, twice shy.
However, I still think one should go for what he/she wants. Delay they say is dangerous. Make the move irrespective of your gender and cultural beliefs. After all, you know what you want and that which befits you.
How will you feel seeing your secret admirer you’ve been fasting and praying for nuts the tie with someone from the blues?
Yes, destiny you may politely and painfully call it. But remember, heaven help those who help themselves. Don’t let the society dictate your wants. Meet elders that can help speak out for you if you think it odd for you to do so.
The first time I saw packaged “garri” took my breath away and I kept asking myself what was so special about it. In no time it dawns on me that the difference is in the packaging. Yes, packaging! The way you package and present your feelings towards the opposite sex matters. Be a “corporate toaster”.
Be choosy and sensitive of words you use especially your adjectives as it can make or mar the whole thing.
Only men of low reasoning and primitive upbringing will make mockery of such act. Real men appreciate and respect ladies with such confidence; therefore be a sniper in your moves.
Be calculative and know when and with whom to strike. Least I forget; be simple but not cheap as simplicity is the bedrock of beauty and love is to express not to impress people.
Jemilat writes from Katsina. She could be reached on [email protected]
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